


Boyfriend

by TortiTabby



Series: Tumblr Songfic Prompts [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Light Smut, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: "You love me like a very best friend but I don't want to be your secret anymore"Dan glanced over the spinning bottle at his, for lack of a better term, best friend.He supposes he should be happy it isn’t just flatmate but he couldn’t help but crave for a title, for something concrete that he could hold onto.Dan and Phil are friends with benefits.





	Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Written for anon who sent me a songfic prompt for the song "Boyfriend" by Tegan and Sara  
>   
> This fic kind of spun out of my control and took on a mind of it's own. I hope you like it and thanks for the prompt!  
> thank you so much insectbah for being my beta and looking over this for me. I appreciate it!

_ I don’t want to be your secret anymore _

 

“Your turn Phil! Spin it!” A bubbly blond girl that Dan hardly knew giggled loudly and obnoxiously, throwing her long hair over her shoulder and pushing her chest out towards Phil. 

He sighed quietly to himself, cursing Phil for wanting to go to this party in the first place. He had tried to get them to stay at home to no avail.

He glanced over the spinning bottle at his, for lack of a better term, best friend. 

He supposes he should be happy it isn’t just flatmate but he couldn’t help but crave for a title, for something concrete that he could hold onto. They had been living together for nearly five months now and sleeping together for close to a year. 

Not that anyone would ever know that. Phil did his best to put on a show of how buddy-buddy they were and never let anything slip through the cracks of the perfect facade. 

Dan wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle the act until he thought of what calling it quits would entail. 

His heart panged at the thought of a Phil-less life. They had met Phil’s final year and Dan’s first year at Uni. Now they were both graduated messes with no clear purpose or direction of where they were going in life. Dan looked at all the fellow graduates around him at a  supposed housewarming party for a friend that was just another glorified drunken uni party. 

Dan glanced back at the girl who was watching the bottle spin with wide excited eyes. He couldn’t blame her. He didn’t know what would be worse: watching Phil kiss someone else there or it landing on him.

He looked back at the bottle that was finally slowing down. 

“Oh my god!” The girl squealed as it slowly went in front of her. Dan felt a wave a nausea hit him and vaguely wondered if it would be obvious if he made an excuse to leave the room. The bottle inched on and finally stopped not in front of the girl, but right on Dan instead.

He glanced up at Phil with his heart in his throat.

“Oh man!” Phil laughed nervously and glanced around at their groaning friends who were for the most part shaking their heads and loudly expressing glee at their misfortune or disgust.

“Wow way to spin, Phil! Georgina’s a babe too, you were so close!” one of them cackled loudly. 

Phil sighed dramatically and Dan fought every instinct to leave, angrily tear into a fight with Phil or burst into tears. 

Phil shrugged and leaned over the bottle towards Dan, melting his resolve. Dan rolled his eyes for show, sick at himself for playing along. He wanted to cup both sides of Phil’s face and kiss him passionately and show all of them, and show Phil, how much he wanted to kiss Phil – to always be kissing Phil. 

Instead he slowly met Phil in the middle and parted his lips as Phil’s crushed against them with a tiny swipe of tongue Dan was surprised Phil risked. The small crowd whooped and laughed.

Dan pulled away first and avoided Phil’s gaze. “This game is so stupid. How old are we again?” He spat with more venom than he intended. 

“Dan’s right! Plus I have that thing I wanted to show off!” Georgina hopped up and beckoned a few of her friends over, essentially dissipating the entire group.

Dan could feel his face was bright red and he found the tears were harder to fight off than they had been before. Someone Dan couldn’t remember the name of had Phil trapped in the middle of a conversation and Dan seized his opportunity to bail. 

He dashed out of the house and took only a few short seconds to take in deep breaths of the cold night air before he started walking.

He got half a block away before his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He didn’t need to look to know who it was.

**Phil:** _Where did you go? Are you okay???_

Dan sighed at his inability to be mad at Phil. He wanted to respond and tell him to leave him alone and that he didn’t want to talk to him or see him, touch him, kiss him or  _ love _ him anymore. 

His jaw hurt with how hard he clenched it. 

He eventually punched out a short one worded “ _ home _ ” in reply before stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

He felt his phone go off a few more times before he reached their flat and tiredly climbed the stairs. 

As soon as he made it through the door he threw his clothes off while walking through the lounge and collapsed on his bed in just his pants. 

Just as he calmed down enough to actually fall asleep, he heard the front door creak open.

“Dan? You alright?” 

Dan let out a breath at the raw concern and care in Phil’s voice. He wasn’t cruel and maybe it wasn’t fair for Dan to want more than what they already had when there was never a discussion beforehand. Phil really was his best friend. 

“Uh, yeah. ‘M Fine.” He called out.

Phil stood in his doorway awkwardly. “I’m sorry. You were right, we should have just stayed home.” 

“You can come in here.” 

Dan didn’t miss the look on Phil’s face when he noticed how little clothes Dan had on. 

“Why don’t you come all the way here?” he asked hungrily. He knew he was pushing issues that were near the breaking point further away to feel the physical connection and he should really talk to Phil but he couldn’t help it. What if it was the last time? 

  
  
  


Dan found himself panting into the pillow with Phil's weight on top of him moving in a delicious pace that was just right. Practice makes perfect and they had more than enough to get it just right. Phil pressed a tongue to the pulse on Dan's throat, temporarily shutting his brain down from pleasure in the way only Phil would know how to do. 

“I love you,” Dan growled out into the pillowcase. It wasn't a new confession.

Phil’s speed doubled as his hot breath panted into Dan’s ear, sending goosebumps up that entire half of his body.

“Love you,” Phil grunted, airily and quietly before his movements became erratic. 

  
  


Dan felt awful and empty afterwards, not in the usual sense of the word. Phil was snoring peacefully next to him and all Dan wanted was for Phil to be out of Dan’s room with a locked door between them so Dan could lick his wounds and tend to his broken heart in solitude. 

It wasn’t the first time they had shared those words in the throws of passion. Dan knew better than to think it was anything new, that it changed anything. He wanted them to mean more than it seemed they did. He knew Phil loved him in some way, just maybe not the way he ached for him to.

He glanced around at the mess of a bed and the need to get out of it, away from Phil and out of that room, even out of their flat, overcame him.

He sat up straight, chest heaving and eyes burning. He was so stupid. He had to stop falling into the same routines that were chipping away any good parts that were left of him.

He threw his duvet off and hastily got dressed, heart pounding the entire time. 

“Where you going?” Phil asked groggily. 

Dan cursed under his breath before looking over at him.

He was sprawled out squinting at Dan, his hair mussed up in a way that unfairly worked in his favor. His pale skin contrasted against Dan's dark sheets. He really was stunning.

“What are we?” Dan blurted. He felt like a cliche before the words left his lips. It wasn't the time or place, but Dan seemed to rarely pick the right way to do things. 

Phil blinked at him. “What?”

It was an out. Dan could brush it off and climb back into bed and curl up against Phil's side and pretend none of this ever happened. He could probably even get away with it. He wanted to. God, he wanted to.

“Us. What are we to you? What is this?” He gestured between them.

Phil sat up on his elbow and frowned. “You're my _best_ _friend_.” 

Dan had never heard such sincere raw emotion in Phil’s voice before but it didn’t matter. He had his answer.

He tore his eyes away from the ocean blue concerned ones before he could get swept up by the tide. He had to be strong willed for once.

“I’ve – I’ve got to go.” 

“Dan what is going on? Don’t just leave. Please?”

“I know that _you_ _know_ how I feel, Phil.” Dan said angrily. “If we’re such good friends you have to know.” 

Phil looked away and Dan felt a whirlwind of dizziness blow over him. He didn’t know if he was going to be sick or burst into tears first- both strong contenders. 

He just  _ had _ to fuck it up and draw attention to this thing they were dancing around. He had to destroy any chance of keeping Phil in his life in any way. 

Slender pale hands grabbed his wrists.  Phil was stretched across the bed and gingerly pulling Dan onto it.

“You need to breathe. I – I had no idea you were this upset. I do love you, Dan.” He frowned and said it again, more forcefully. “I  _ love _ you. I’m just scared. It’ll change everything in my life. It will change my relationship with family members and friends that might look at me differently. There are going to be people who don’t understand. Who don’t want to understand and I’m terrified.” 

Dan blinked back tears and looked back to the usually crisp blue eyes that were now a stormy sea.

Dan tried to pull away but Phil tightened his grip. 

“The thought of losing  _ you _ though scares me to  _ death _ ,” he choked out in a thick voice. “I’m sorry you ever felt otherwise. I never meant for you to feel like some dirty secret.”

A perfect reaction would be to rush forward and take Phil’s face in his hands and kiss him until he couldn’t move his lips anymore. He’d tell Phil eloquently how much he meant to him and how he never had to face anything in this world alone – especially the scary parts with the people who didn’t deserve Phil Lester in their lives if they could cut him out so easily. Ideally in Dan’s dreams he’d stand tall and dry Phil’s glassy eyes and say something witty and charming that would knock him on his feet.

But Dan was Dan after all. He was Phil’s best friend who was a little clumsy with his gangly too-tall body and even clumsier with his words. His emotions were often on his sleeve and always strong and typically over the top. So he cried. He crumbled into Phil’s arms and sobbed until he didn’t have anything left in him. Phil wrapped his trembling arms around him and a ragged breath followed by a sniff indicated that he wasn’t in any better shape than Dan.

“We’re idiots,” Dan laughed wetly and pulled away to look at Phil.

“The absolute dumbest,” Phil agreed. 

Dan doubled over laughing on Phil’s lap. He looked over at Phil who was laughing silently, tears rolling down his cheeks in mirth now.

He felt a swell of pride at being his best friend.

He opened his mouth to tell Phil all of the things he wanted to. They’d face it all together. Before he had a chance, Phil met his eyes and just nodded. He knew. The way best friends often did. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!!  
> If you have any other songfic requests I'd love to hear them. It might take a little while to get to it between other writing projects but I intend on keeping this going for awhile. Send a songfic request [here! ](https://tortitabby.tumblr.com/ask)


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